two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Terrible idea I love it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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