just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
