Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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