I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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