Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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