I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
