I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
