So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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