the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
