i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
