just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
