Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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