just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
