You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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