The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
