haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
