I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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