He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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