You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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