He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
