yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
