Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize