i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
