Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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