Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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