There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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