Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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