When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
