That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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