We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize