I feel like abortions should bother me more
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
