I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize