Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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