So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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