I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
