pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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