I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
