tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
