I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Pappa wants mamma naked
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
