you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
