Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
