He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
