it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
