Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
