Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
