I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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