Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
