i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
