this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize