Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
