Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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