My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
