Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
