Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
