Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
