so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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