Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
