he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
