we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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