To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
