just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
