never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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