I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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