I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
