It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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