I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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