No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
high people should be assigned attendants
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
