Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
