why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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